I’m tired of being lonely. I miss having someone to laugh with. I miss having to hold someone’s hand. I miss having to call someone to say ‘I love you’ just cause. I miss talking on the phone. I miss watching television and putting my legs up on someone. I miss hugging someone. I miss… I don’t know what else I miss. I try and rack up what else I miss in my brain, and I can’t seem to think of any more because I’m basing this all from my first relationship… which was blur. I remember a few moments, and I realize all that he did for me was nothing but self gain for himself. I settled for him. So I’m conflicted because I miss the idea of being with someone, but when I think back to what I had for 19 months, I’m disgusted. Disgusted because I laughed with him, held his hand, called him, put my legs on his legs and relaxed when watching television, hugged him. I smack my forehead every time because I deserve a damn gentleman! But at the same time, it scares the shit out of me because I am so used to opening the door, opening it for others, asking for things at a restaurant, driving, buying things, etc. The art of chivalry. I’m so foreign to it. I mean I don’t think it’s dead… haha.. I just think some guys still value it, while other’s never really got the hang of it. I’m not asking to be swept off my feet, I’m not asking to jump in a relationship the first second I meet someone. Company. I want to get to know someone. I want to listen to their stories. I want to hear their laugh. I want to go on random walks. I want to grab coffee with them. I want to notice everything about them. I want to get to know someone.
I’m such a sap.